I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
