8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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