Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
