what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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