I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
