Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
