is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
