just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
