turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
