I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
