Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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