I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
