I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
