A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
