I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You pole danced in your parka.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
