The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
