I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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