All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Where did you get a picture of my penis
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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