Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize