i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
