Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
