i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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