we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize