I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
