I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize