i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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