It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize