i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
