There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
