i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Say something about gay babies.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
