Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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