lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
