she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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