Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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