using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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