so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She is in my trunk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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