This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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