I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
