I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
