Will you blow on my dice?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
