She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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