zippers are such a cool invention
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
