He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
