We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
