Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize