I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
