I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
