My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
