I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
