a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
time to smoke my breakfast
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
