I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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