I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
