she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
