Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize