i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
