I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
