he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
