Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
