pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
