Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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