so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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