singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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