I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize