i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
