kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
