Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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