it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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