last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
