i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
