i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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