Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
