Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
