From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize