dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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