Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
