anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize