my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
