She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
