Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
