wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
