I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize