i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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