I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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