i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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