Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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