guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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