Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize