i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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