Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
