It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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