I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize