I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
