C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
