There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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