Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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