So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
