Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
