Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
