dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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