I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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